I wish i was in the wii world.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
