i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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