He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't deserve a penis
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
