You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bring me that man meat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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