p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
