Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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