Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
