I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
