Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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