Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
