how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
