she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
