Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
farters have to be the big spoon...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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