Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize