You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
