My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
