I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
