My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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