Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
