did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
