I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
