Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
