My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
