I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
