Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
