my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
