you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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