I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
