We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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