I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
