I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This is classic penis vs brain.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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