I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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