happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
