dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry about my life...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
