it wasn't lemon gatorade
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
