how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
