this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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