Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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