can u get pink eye on your cock?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
