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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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