Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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