Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
