i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
