when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
