I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
