I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The uberlube is also flammable
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
