I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
