I cannot find my penis.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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