A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
