Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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