Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
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I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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