Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
