i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
