On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
