Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
