I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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