Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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