Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
