WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
did i walk over a car last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
