Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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