at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
