He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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