The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love you.
Bad choice
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
