Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
