this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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