Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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