I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
