I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Its about making memories worth repressing
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
