We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
