After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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