Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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